Lies Your Saudi Told You – Update

This was a topic I recently addressed on social media. Lately there’s been a recurring trend from women and adult children I communicate with who are interested in coming forward with their stories but are afraid to because of a fraudulent misconception. This prevailing falsehood is just one out of many in a series of lies and deceptions used on the women by these Saudi students during the relationship to get what they wanted, so I feel the time has come to bring up some essential truth.

From those questionable “trips back to Saudi”, to lies about what his real name is, age, which country he’s ‘supposedly’ from, not to mention those fairy tales he spoon fed you about how he was going to put a ring on it, these fly by night Saudis have long since borrowed from the same playbook.

One major deception that has long been perpetuated I hear often from women who want to come forward, but may be hesitant in doing so, is this:

“I want to find my child’s father but I don’t want to cause trouble with him and his family” This is something I hear from women who are interested in getting the rights due to their child (and rightfully so) but are apprehensive because of their fear of offending these pieces of human garbage who left them in the most selfish way, alone and destitute with a baby. With that said, since when should his or his family’s feelings be taken into consideration? I have news for you, the trouble already started long before you got pregnant. These guys were excited to come to your country and it wasn’t because of school. Secondly, who do you think molded this loser in the first place? Make no mistake..if his family did find out about you they’d no sooner rally around him like soldiers and some lowlife uncle of his would be the first to call you a slut or a whore before hanging up. So whether its going to cause trouble isn’t the issue. They could care less if you attempt to expose them or not, otherwise he wouldn’t have been so comfortable leaving in the first place. The only trouble lies with the fact that he left you high and dry without any support. When it comes to how the families of these deadbeats think, the golden rule goes like this..their sons are king, their sh** doesn’t smell, and no woman with a baby is going to change that.

This way of thinking is also deeply ingrained in how the Saudi government has handled this very issue historically and as of late…(If you want proof of this, try calling a Saudi embassy and see how the condescending know-nothing on the other line responds). They don’t care about what the father did, you and your child’s welfare, or anything. It’s a secret club and you aren’t in it! Which all leads back to the famous myth….

“If anyone finds out you’re pregnant I’ll get in trouble” LOL. Did he bother to mention this the whole time he was wooing you during the relationship? This is an emotional microchip they implant into your heads to insure they’ll get out of the situation without accountability. This was no more apparent than when I was growing up and I would tell my mom I wanted to find my dad, in which she would reply in hysterics “YOU’RE GONNA GET HIM KILLED!!”. A reality check: He’s doing great. He’s living the life back in Saudi, comfortably reveling in the false image he’s cultivated for society. He’s enjoying nice expensive vacations and the finest of leisure money can buy, and while you and your child starve he’s getting fatter by the minute from all the Al Baik and greasy lamb he’s devouring. Not to mention (at times) the many women he’s dining and having affairs with while he’s away from his wife and kids.

In short, you’re doing your child no favors by keeping quiet about these guys transgressions. Being nice and considerate about their feelings isn’t going to help you to afford diapers or formula for your newborn, or pay for the numerous doctor’s bills if your child is faced with lifelong health issues; or the never ceasing worry how this might be the month you and your kid end up on the streets. Remember, these guys operate in a singular way. They had a plan when they went abroad to target you for their enjoyment, and they have a plan to cover up their deeds if they’re allowed to.

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Shamelya is seeking her father Abdul Rahman Aziz Alhazza

مرحباً بالجميع، هذا المنشور من شمليا والتي تقوم بالبحث عن والدها السعودي الذي لم تقابله قط واسمه عبد الرحمن عزيز الهزاع وهو من سكان الرياض. لقد كان هنا في الولايات المتحدة في العام 1977 في مينيابوليس ، مينيسوتا ، حيث التقى بأم شامليا ، واسمها هو ايرتينيس برانتت ، وأيضاً في  منطقة بحيرة الدب الأبيض حيث كان قد التحق بالمدرسة هناك

إذا كان لدى أي شخص معلومات بخصوص المدعو عبد الرحمن عزيز الهزاع، فإن ابنته انتظرت حياتها كلها للاتصال به.

Hello everyone, this post is for Shamelya who is looking for her father, whom she has never met. His name is Abdul Rahman Aziz Alhazza and he is from Riyadh. He was here in the US in 1977 in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where he met Shamelya’s mother, her name is Irtense Parent, and also in White Bear Lake, MN where he attended school.

If anyone has information in regards to Abdul Rahman Aziz Alhazza, his daughter has waited her whole life to contact him.

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A Message to Hazza Ayesh Al Rosan from your daughter

We received correspondence from Divine Domingo in regards to her father, Hazza Ayesh Al-Rosan from Riyadh. After numerous attempts over the years to get in contact with her father, he has yet to try to contact her at all or acknowledge her as his daughter. This is her story…

Hi,

My name is Divine Domingo and like everyone here, I am also an illegitimate child of a Saudian guy. My father is a Shiek in Saudi Arabia and I just learned that he is also an ambassador of good will (Sounds good right?) .

To make my story short, my mother used to work for him as a maid. According to my mother, my father loved her. Fast forward, my mother got pregnant (it’s me). Once my father knew that my mother was pregnant, he asked my mother to go back to the Philippines (where she lives) and promised her that he will come visit her after 3 months. So many months has passed my father never showed up and when I brought out to the world, my mother keeps sending him my photos and update about me but never get a reply. When I was like 12-14 I can’t remember exactly but I started to have the interest to know my father so we started searching for him. We went to a Saudi embassy in the Philippines and what they did is they just took all the evidence my mom had like photos business cards and never responded to us. Few months ago I tried to find any resources that could link me to my father and o found email and phone number. I called the office and I never get to talk to him. Sent him emails but I never get a reply. Soon I realized and it actually sinked into my heart that my father really abandoned me purposely. He intended to leave me and never cared for me. I had a rough childhood and to think how rich my father is up till now, with all his richness and resources, he could live a good life knowing one of his own blood is out there struggling to make it to life. How could he accept the label “ambassador of goodwill” if can’t do a goodwill to your own blood? What kind of a human being is that?

Now I that I accepted that my father will never recognize me nor ever cared for me, I will stop all the drama and I want the world to know that this guy on the photo, is the worst father I have ever known in my life. I am so disgusted by him and I wish that this letter will get to him. I know he have received  all my emails but this time I want the world to know what kind of a person you are.

Mr. Hazza Ayesh Alrosan, This is for you.

Your Neglected Daughter,
Divine Domingo

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A Brief update from Jenniffer, SCLB creator. (May 2020)

 To all our visitors:

First of all…hi! It’s been a few years, and since the site is up and running again ( more on that in a minute ), I figured I would give you all an update on our situation. As of my last writing, my son Joseph was only 3 , and I was scouring everywhere trying to find any kind of medical info I could, from allergies to diseases that run in his lineage. Things looked and felt a little bleak, and I had serious doubts about the future.

     Fast forward 5 years, and things couldn’t be more different. Joey is now about to turn 11, and is as healthy as can be. He was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum upon entering kindergarten, but he has not suffered in the slightest. He is fascinated with temperatures, measurement scales , and all things scientific, as well as learning words in as many languages as possible. He doesn’t seem to care about a lot of the typical things 11 year old boys tend to, but that’s just part of what makes him unique. He is happy, healthy, and growing faster than I can stand.

     We moved from Ohio down to sunny Florida in the summer of 2016, and I can tell you with no hesitation, trading in snow for beach sand was the best decision we have ever made. We actually get blue skies down here! Joey misses the cold, but doesn’t complain when he can ride his bike 365 days of the year. You can’t put a price on that.

     Shortly after we became former Ohioans, Trump was elected. Not by me or my husband mind you, as neither of us can stand the Cheetoh in Chief, but after 8  years of relative normalcy, it seemed like every leader we had abandoned all pretense of humanity and decided a free for all money grab was what we elected them to do. 3 years into his reign, and all it seemed all Trump was capable of doing was careening between lies while dismantling every safety precaution Obama ever put into place. All that would have been disastrous enough without a plague-like virus descending on the entire human populace, but, alas, here we are. And that kind of brings me to my point. Why did I bring the site back?

     It was not an easy decision, to be sure. It was a strain on my time, my family life, and a drain of resources, both personal and financial. But after being cooped up in a state of quarantine / enforced social distancing, I realized how much I craved a return to normalcy. To being able to go outdoors, to parks, to beaches. To have real human interaction beyond my kids asking what time I was making dinner. And, after speaking to some old friends who decided to help me with content and administrative duties, I decided to reopen the site. Because I know the kind of relative discomfort I and others may feel by being isolated is nothing compared to the upheaval my life went through when Joey was born, and his biological father promptly disappeared. I know that kind of hurt, and I take a little comfort in knowing that I can provide A) a little help, B) a place to tell your story and vent if needed, and C) a sense of community, so that people in my situation know that they are not alone. Keep in mind, I started the site originally because of  how close to home this issue hit, but that is not the case any more. Joey is in a loving home, with a proud adoptive father, loving older sister, and a mother who would give the world to see him happy. He will never want for anything, nor most likely ever have any need to question what happened to his father. There are lots of children out there, however , who will not be as lucky, and when the time comes, they will deserve answers. If I can help in any way to provide those answers, then I will rest happy. I want to help others that are where I was, because I know not everyone will be as lucky as me, so maybe I can pay a little of my luck forward. I look forward to tomorrow much more than ever before, and will be talking to you again soon.

Joseph Age 10

Joseph

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Atif’s Story

The man in the above picture is listed on my birth certificate as my father. His name is Atef Al-Dinari. He is from Jeddah. The photo was taken when he was here in San Diego as a student in the late seventies, early eighties. My name is Atif, I was named after this man upon birth.

I’m telling my story because I want to give a realistic view of what happens when a Saudi student’s ignorant actions directly affect a child’s life.

My mother first met Atef at a function and from what she says, at first, she wasn’t interested in him at all, but, like many of these stories, he kept pursuing her (a common theme with these Saudi students). She eventually decided to give it a chance.

My mom has told me many things and details over the years about what happened while they were together. Many ridiculous people out there with no sense like to question the validity of the mothers claims about these relationships or to just label them whores, but that is far from the truth. The relationship between my mother and Atef lasted a long time.

The warning signs began when my mom heard through mutual acquaintances that Atef was seeing other women, one woman in particular who my mom found out he repeatedly visited even after he left back to Saudi. My mom eventually discovered she was pregnant and, as you can guess, the situation didn’t end well. He told her he couldn’t be with her and did something next that only a moron would do….

He invited her over one day and said he needed to talk. He played a VHS videotape for her and my mom says she was confused because she didn’t know what she was watching. It looked like a wedding party. Then my mother saw a woman in a dress and Atef told her this was his wife. This had occurred during one of his trips back to Saudi. It was an arranged marriage, of course, with one of his cousins. This shocked my mother because she said that during their relationship he would say things to her like how he could see himself marrying her. He told her this is why he couldn’t be with her and even told her he didn’t want this for himself but his family was pressuring him. He told her he couldn’t have anything more to do with her or the pregnancy and encouraged her to have an abortion. When she said no, he ended the relationship. Funny how these “religious” men suddenly turn pro-choice when it has to do with their own selfish motives.

His Saudi friends whom my mother had previously been on good terms with, also turned on her and blamed her for everything and there were threats made.

When the time came for questions about who the father was and potential DNA testing, Atef disappeared. My mom heard things about him going back to Saudi and coming back to San Diego secretly to finish his studies.

My mom tells me she initially wanted to give me a different name. She had planned on naming me Gabriel, but the only reason why she decided to name me after this ghost was on the behest of one of Atef’s cousins, my uncle Fahd. Fahd was the only person who sympathized with what my mother was going through and told my mother that Atef’s actions were horrible. He told my mom that she should name me after my father, because that’s how its done, so she did. He even visited my mother and held me as a newborn. (Advice to expectant mothers out there who are in this same situation: Despite what everyone or even your own beliefs tell you..please don’t name your child after these men. You’re doing your child no favors. My name, as beautiful as it is, represents something that is hurtful. I’m named after someone who deserted my mother and essentially left us for dead. If you insist on giving your child an arabic name, pick something else.)

I can tell you that, in no short of words, life has been mostly challenging. Not having a father around for my childhood, adolescence or adulthood was hell. My mom was mistreated by society and even her own family members when I was a kid because she was a single parent, alone, and I grew up watching this. Not having a stable, parental figure to teach me things or be there for me as a safety net was the definition of awfulness. 

I had the opportunity, when I first discovered Saudi Children Left Behind about 7 years ago, to make contact with some members of my alleged Saudi family. They had seen the story I posted and, for the first time, there was a part of me that thought I was actually going to finally be able to have the answers I had been seeking my whole life. Relatives I’ve never met who didn’t know about me would finally know I existed!

Things went well, at first, as they usually do. A DNA test was supposed to be done, and everything was moving along smoothly. But, in typical fashion, the warning signs returned. I started getting bad attitude from the family member I was communicating with, like the flip of a switch, he went from being pleasant to a complete jerk. I also started hearing that my dad was saying not so nice things. He claimed he couldn’t remember anything and accused my mom of false character traits. The final straw was when they cut off their cell phones and discontinued all contact with me. 

It had been done to my mom, then, now, to me. Lucky for me, we live in the age of the internet. Plus, they didn’t know who they were messing with. 

What happened to me is what happens to alot of others, women and children alike. But, let’s be clear. This did not define me. I am an intelligent individual and, as downright crappy as much of life has been, that has no bearing on who I am as a person. This is something not to be forgotten.

I want to take the opportunity to give a special shout out to Jenniffer, my friend and creator of Saudi Children for giving me and so many others a voice and an opportunity to share our stories. Thanks Jen, you rock!

لقصة : الرجل في الصورة أعلاه مدرج في شهادة ميلادي كأبي. اسمه عاطف الديناري. إنه من جدة. تم التقاط الصورة عندما كان هنا في سان دييغو كطالب في أواخر السبعينيات ، أوائل الثمانينيات. اسمي عاطف ، وقد سميت على اسم ابي عند الولادة. أنا أحكي قصتي لأنني أريد أن أقدم نظرة واقعية لما يحدث عندما تؤثر تصرفات الطالب السعودي الجاهل بشكل مباشر على حياة الطفل. قابلت والدتي عاطف لأول مرة في وظيفة ، في البداية ، لم تكن مهتمة به على الإطلاق ، ولكن ، مثل العديد من هذه القصص ، استمر في متابعتها (موضوع مشترك مع هؤلاء الطلاب السعوديين). قررت في نهاية المطاف أن تعطيها فرصة. أخبرتني أمي الكثير من الأشياء والتفاصيل على مر السنين حول ما حدث أثناء وجودهما معًا. كثير من الناس الاغبياء هناك الذين ليس لديهم عقول يرغبون في التشكيك في صحة ادعاءات الأمهات حول هذه العلاقات أو مجرد تصنيفها انها علاقه مع عاهرات ، ولكن هذا بعيد عن الحقيقة. استمرت العلاقة بين أمي وعاطف لفترة طويلة. بدأت علامات التحذير عندما سمعت أمي من خلال بعض المعارف أن عاطف كان يقابل نساء أخريات ، وهي امرأة على وجه الخصوص اكتشفتها أمي أنه زارها مرارًا وتكرارًا حتى بعد أن عاد إلى السعودية. اكتشفت أمي في النهاية أنها حامل ، وكما يمكنك أن تتخيل ، لم ينتهي الوضع بشكل جيد. أخبرها أنه لا يستطيع أن يكون معها وفعل شيئًا بعد ذلك يفعله معتوه فقط … دعاها على مدى يوم واحد وقال إنه بحاجة للتحدث. قام بتشغيل شريط فيديو لها وتقول أمي أنها كانت مشوشة لأنها لم تكن تعرف ما كانت تشاهده. بدا وكأنه حفل زفاف. ثم رأت أمي امرأة ترتدي ثياباً ، وأخبرها عاطف أن هذه هي زوجته. حدث ذلك خلال إحدى رحلاته إلى السعودية. كان زواجًا مرتبًا ، بالطبع ، مع أحد أقاربه. صدم هذا والدتي لأنها قالت أنه خلال علاقتهما كان سيقول لها أشياء مثل كيف يمكن أن يرى نفسه يتزوجها. أخبرها هذا هو السبب في أنه لا يستطيع أن يكون معها وحتى أخبرها أنه لا يريد هذا لنفسه ولكن عائلته كانت تضغط عليه. أخبرها أنه لا يمكن أن يكون لها أي علاقة بها أو بالحمل وأنهى العلاقة. أصدقاؤه السعوديون الذين كانت والدتي تربطهم علاقة جيدة معهم ، انقلبوا عليها أيضًا وألقوا باللوم عليها في كل شيء وكانت هناك تهديدات. قالوا لها أن تجهض. من المضحك أن هؤلاء الرجال “المتدينين” يتحولون فجأة إلى اشخاص لايريدون الخير لاحد عندما يتعلق الأمر بدوافعهم الأنانية. عندما حان وقت الأسئلة حول من هو الأب واختبار الحمض النووي المحتمل ، اختفى عاطف. سمعت أمي أشياء عن عودته إلى السعودية والعودة إلى سان دييغو سراً لإنهاء دراسته. أخبرتني أمي أنها أرادت في البداية إعطائي اسمًا مختلفًا. لقد خططت لتسميتي غابرييل ، ولكن السبب الوحيد الذي جعلها تسميني عاطف كان بناء على طلب من أحد أبناء عمومة عاطف عمي فهد . فهد هو الشخص الوحيد الذي تعاطف مع ما تمر به والدتي وأخبر والدتي أن أفعال عاطف كانت مروعة. قال لأمي أنها يجب أن تسميني باسم والدي ، لأن هذا ما فعلته ، لذلك فعلت. حتى أنه زار والدتي واحتجزني وأنا مولود جديد. (نصيحة للأمهات الحوامل في نفس الوضع: على الرغم مما يقوله الجميع أو حتى معتقداتك الخاصة .. من فضلك لا تذكر اسم طفلك بعد هؤلاء الرجال. أنت لا تقدم لطفلك أي خدمة. اسمي ، مثل جميل ، يمثل شيئًا مؤلمًا. لقد سميت على اسم شخص هجر والدتي وتركنا نعاني إذا كنت تصر على إعطاء طفلك اسمًا عربيًا ، فاختر اسم اخر.) لقد أتيحت لي الفرصة ، عندما اكتشفت أول أطفال سعوديين تركوا وراءهم منذ حوالي 7 سنوات ، للاتصال ببعض أفراد عائلتي السعودية المزعومة. لقد رأوا القصة التي نشرتها ، وللمرة الأولى ، لقد كنت اعتقد اني سأتمكن في النهاية من الحصول على الإجابات التي كنت أبحث عنها طوال حياتي. الأقارب الذين لم ألتق بهم أبدًا والذين لم يعرفوا عني يعرفون أخيراً أنني موجود! سارت الأمور على ما يرام في البداية ، كما تفعل عادة. كان من المفترض إجراء اختبار الحمض النووي ، وكان كل شيء يتحرك بسلاسة. ولكن ، بطريقة نموذجية ، عادت علامات التحذير. بدأت أتلقى سلوكًا سيئًا من أحد أفراد الأسرة الذي كنت أتواصل معه ، حيث تحول من كونه لطيفًا إلى نكد تمامًا. بدأت أسمع أيضًا أن والدي كان يقول أشياء غير لطيفة. ادعى أنه لا يستطيع تذكر أي شيء واتهم أمي بسمات شخصية كاذبة. القشة الأخيرة كانت عندما قطعوا هواتفهم المحمولة وأوقفوا كل اتصال معي. لقد تم ذلك لأمي ، الآن ، بالنسبة لي. محظوظ بالنسبة لي ، نحن نعيش في عصر الإنترنت. بالإضافة إلى ذلك ، لم يعرفوا مع من كانوا يعبثون. ما حدث لي هو ما يحدث للكثير من النساء والأطفال على حد سواء. لكن ، لنكن واضحين. هذا لم يحددني. أنا فرد ذكي ، وبقدر ما هو مرعب تمامًا مثل معظم الحياة ، ليس له أي تأثير على من أنا كشخص. هذا شيء لا يجب نسيانه. أريد أن أغتنم هذه الفرصة لأعطي صرخة خاصة لجنيفر ، صديقي ومبتكر الأطفال السعوديين لمنحي فرصه ولغيرهم من الاشخاص صوتًا وفرصة لمشاركة قصصنا. شكرا جين .

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New content coming soon.

So its been a while. We are currently busy working on new site content. Check back soon.beaverfemale

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Makki Anwar Ibrahim Shareiah Makkah

We were recently contacted by Shaima a young single mother who originates from the Philippines. After a relationship with Makki she became pregnant. Here is her story.

Were both nurse in one hospital. Were together for about 11months before I get pregnant. After i confirm that i am pregnant i told him everything. and he get angry he told me that i need to abort my pregnancy or he will leave me. Then we start to fight and i didnt agree to abort my baby coz im afraid to god. I convince him to accept the reality that we will become parent soon but he never accept it after fighting with him for almost 2weeks i decided to go back to philippines and continue my pregnancy. Then i inform my family about my situation of course they are upset and angry with me because i did a big haram in my life were muslim as expected they are blaming me. But they accept everything. Before i leave saudi he talk to me and say he will help me for all i just need to inform him what i need. But later on everything change again but i dont mind it coz i need to prepare my self for my delivery. He never contact me for 2months. I deliver my baby via CS and i pay all my expenses and hospital bills. When the time come that i dont have enough money to support my baby i ask his help then he start to help me for 4months only then he never contact me again i try to contact him but he blocked all my numbers i dont know what happen then i decided to call his parent to inform everything but i failed coz his parent doesnt believe me. I was so upset and stress dont know where i can find money to support the needs of my daughter my family somehow help me for my daughter but still there is blaming part. This was very difficult part of my life. I dont know what i can do to support my daughter then i decided to go to saudi again to work and then i try to talk with him again and convince him to accept his daughter but he never accept. Then we never talk again its been 3yrs the last time i talk to him my daughter now turning 4yrs old and started to ask about her father but i dont know how to answer all of her question. Its hurt every time i saw her looking at other kids with there father it melt my heart coz i know what she feels. Now i decided to stay with her here in philippines coz i dont like her to feel that she dont have family. Im the only one who suffer more while her father doing nothing making his life better and not thinking about her daughter.

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He’s Looking for his dad Hamad Saud Alkhaldi

 Hamad saud Alkhaldi  and his son

Hamad saud Alkhaldi and his son

He left a week before the baby was born , now he’s 9 months and last time Hamad saud Alkhaldi contact me was on Valentines day 02-14-15 to say that he loves me but he didn’t even ask for he’s baby 😥

He got really mad on 6-30-15 because I send him a picture of he’s son having he’s first birthday and this is what he answers me .. I have no words I just feel so disappointed/ What a shame of man 😦

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I just hope God take care of my baby and me I don’t really care anymore about a guy who lie saying that he loves me when he’s unable to love he’s own blood ..

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Plus I don’t need to pray 5 times a day and lie the rest of the day or just been an double moral person who you think u are cheating ??

God knows who u are in real life a heartless person .. !

But I believe in God and I know he’s the one who’s going to ask you about this precious child who is a blessing for me and should be for u too , he was born the first day of Ramadan and not even for that reason you can have some fear in God he wanted to be that way .! I’m glad that he chose me to be the mother of this beautiful baby .. Al 💖hamdudillah !

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2013 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 130,000 times in 2013. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 6 days for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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What Happens When….

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This subject has been in my mind lately, not only solely based on my own situation but that of those Saudi kids out there (and non-Saudi ones alike) that were deserted, things and situations which we all at some point or the next have been forced to endure.

Growing up abandoned, unwanted, sad, angry. Left alone in an unforgiving world to fend for ourselves. Ask many of these kids alike and our stories are all the same. Some of these other kids I grew up around would later go on to battle addiction with drugs, alcohol, bouts of severe depression, and homelessness along with other extreme habits and conditions, such as repeated run-ins with the law; issues which very commonly arise as the end-result when one has been left behind by the one person they might have needed the most.

Some of these kids I knew not only were left in very dire circumstances like me and my mom were, but were also left with a parent that was unfit to raise their child, by themselves or let alone, AT ALL. These children were subjected to various forms of abuse by the single parent adults left to care for them, as well as the parent’s dysfunctional associations. These same kids would eventually later on grow up with severe behavioral problems, along with many other unfortunate characteristics.

With no concrete set of values, beliefs, affection…or much of ANYTHING positive instilled in them during those early years when its most crucial to the formation of the child many kids that fit our category are left as sitting targets.

In my case my mother was very young when she had me and, thankfully, ruled with an iron will. She gave me the belief of God early on, but this didn’t mean it made our situation any easier. The damage had been done..first to her then to me. Because she was a mere teenager when she had me and had come from a background of cultural struggles herself, she was still attempting to find her own way. Now as a single parent things for her were tough, to say the least. Most of her problems became my problems..her stresses my stresses. During those crucial early years of formation I was afraid and stressed. Left alone with fear of even my own shadow, living day to day in a constant state of panic.

Stress that big at 4 years old is extreme. Worried about where we are going to live at 4 years old is extreme. How our rent is going to get paid or where my next meal is going to come from at 4 years old is extreme. What kid should be thinking about these matters at that age?? These extremes can and often do lead to later ones…extreme behavior. Destructive patterns during teen years and beyond, which was the case in my own life. To mask the pain and anger one begins to experiment with various forms of intoxicants to self medicate and this is where things can become really dangerous.

Today, with adulthood and renewed belief in myself, I continue to climb and combat the negatives and said extremes but the long lasting effects of the damage done from then til now can be very difficult to shake free of.

But, again, what happens when the child has been left with NOTHING to believe in. Never taught, never acknowledged, never cared for. No chance at self esteem or peace….

What becomes of them now and later on down the road?

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