To Fahd Hedaib

My name is Akilah. 34 years ago I was born in late January. My mother and her best friend went to the hospital once, but it was a false alarm, then again and this time was the real deal! I had arrived and had a whole beautiful life to live.

My mother was single until I was 15 years old. I didn’t realize how hard life really was for us until I grew up and became a mother myself. I genuinely have no idea how she did it by herself, but I’ll give you a glimpse. She never made me feel like a burden. She loved me and supported me behind words. She raised me to love myself, be confident in my abilities and gifts, and she taught me to not hold hatred towards anyone.

I grew up in southeastern Ohio and subsequently in northern Kentucky. Growing up in this part of Ohio was wonderful, because I was surrounded by so many cultures, hippies, and farmers. I was raised and maintain my faith in Islam Al hamdolilah. I am so thankful for the melange of worlds that she exposed me to.

Do you wonder what she spoke of you? She said that you met at college. She said you used to play soccer in Saudi Arabia. She said you knew she was pregnant, but had to go back to Saudi Arabia because your father was sick. As I got older and asked a couple more questions, she told me that you asked her to get married and go back with you, but she declined. I’m not sure what’s true or not, but I will tell you, she never said one bad word about you to me.

This depiction led me to be proud of you. I was proud of where I came from even if I didn’t and still don’t know where there is exactly. I would beam telling friends or people about this illustrious man that is my father. I’m almost 100% certain I embarrassed my mother many times at the masjid when I would tell people about you and how you were never married. Funny now, but my poor mother!

Fast-forward ten or so years and my world changed drastically. My mother passed away when I was 25 years old. My world collapsed and I lost my comfort, my protection from the world, my best friend… I have never felt so alone in the world. This was the first time I decided to try finding you. I called the embassy and sent the emails, but they were no help. I called Ohio University (not to be confused with The Ohio State University.) The only information I was able to acquire from them was conformation that you had in fact attended in the mid to late 80s, but nothing else.

Let’s skip ahead to the good stuff, I am now in my mid-30s, married to a Moroccan man, and we have a beautiful son mashallah, who is pure joy and never ceases to keep me laughing and also on my toes. I’m happy, and I want a chance to gain knowledge of who I am completely. And it honestly, it’s the least you could do.

It’s been nearly a decade of me occasionally typing your name into the Facebook search engine or googling your name for me to get here. I hope that this letter finds you and finds you well truly. I am a good woman because of my mother, and I would love to continue evolving and learning about myself for my son and future children inshallah.

*Akilah says Fahd is originally from Ryadh, but not much else is known. If anyone has any info on Fahd Hedaib or his family feel free to reach out to saudichildrenleftbehind@gmail.com or leave a comment below. Thanks