This was a topic I recently addressed on social media. Lately there’s been a recurring trend from women and adult children I communicate with who are interested in coming forward with their stories but are afraid to because of a fraudulent misconception. This prevailing falsehood is just one out of many in a series of lies and deceptions used on the women by these Saudi students during the relationship to get what they wanted, so I feel the time has come to bring up some essential truth.
From those questionable “trips back to Saudi”, to lies about what his real name is, age, which country he’s ‘supposedly’ from, not to mention those fairy tales he spoon fed you about how he was going to put a ring on it, these fly by night Saudis have long since borrowed from the same playbook.
One major deception that has long been perpetuated I hear often from women who want to come forward, but may be hesitant in doing so, is this:
“I want to find my child’s father but I don’t want to cause trouble with him and his family” This is something I hear from women who are interested in getting the rights due to their child (and rightfully so) but are apprehensive because of their fear of offending these pieces of human garbage who left them in the most selfish way, alone and destitute with a baby. With that said, since when should his or his family’s feelings be taken into consideration? I have news for you, the trouble already started long before you got pregnant. These guys were excited to come to your country and it wasn’t because of school. Secondly, who do you think molded this loser in the first place? Make no mistake..if his family did find out about you they’d no sooner rally around him like soldiers and some lowlife uncle of his would be the first to call you a slut or a whore before hanging up. So whether its going to cause trouble isn’t the issue. They could care less if you attempt to expose them or not, otherwise he wouldn’t have been so comfortable leaving in the first place. The only trouble lies with the fact that he left you high and dry without any support. When it comes to how the families of these deadbeats think, the golden rule goes like this..their sons are king, their sh** doesn’t smell, and no woman with a baby is going to change that.
This way of thinking is also deeply ingrained in how the Saudi government has handled this very issue historically and as of late…(If you want proof of this, try calling a Saudi embassy and see how the condescending know-nothing on the other line responds). They don’t care about what the father did, you and your child’s welfare, or anything. It’s a secret club and you aren’t in it! Which all leads back to the famous myth….
“If anyone finds out you’re pregnant I’ll get in trouble” LOL. Did he bother to mention this the whole time he was wooing you during the relationship? This is an emotional microchip they implant into your heads to insure they’ll get out of the situation without accountability. This was no more apparent than when I was growing up and I would tell my mom I wanted to find my dad, in which she would reply in hysterics “YOU’RE GONNA GET HIM KILLED!!”. A reality check: He’s doing great. He’s living the life back in Saudi, comfortably reveling in the false image he’s cultivated for society. He’s enjoying nice expensive vacations and the finest of leisure money can buy, and while you and your child starve he’s getting fatter by the minute from all the Al Baik and greasy lamb he’s devouring. Not to mention (at times) the many women he’s dining and having affairs with while he’s away from his wife and kids.
In short, you’re doing your child no favors by keeping quiet about these guys transgressions. Being nice and considerate about their feelings isn’t going to help you to afford diapers or formula for your newborn, or pay for the numerous doctor’s bills if your child is faced with lifelong health issues; or the never ceasing worry how this might be the month you and your kid end up on the streets. Remember, these guys operate in a singular way. They had a plan when they went abroad to target you for their enjoyment, and they have a plan to cover up their deeds if they’re allowed to.
مرحباً بالجميع، هذا المنشور من شمليا والتي تقوم بالبحث عن والدها السعودي الذي لم تقابله قط واسمه عبد الرحمن عزيز الهزاع وهو من سكان الرياض. لقد كان هنا في الولايات المتحدة في العام 1977 في مينيابوليس ، مينيسوتا ، حيث التقى بأم شامليا ، واسمها هو ايرتينيس برانتت ، وأيضاً في منطقة بحيرة الدب الأبيض حيث كان قد التحق بالمدرسة هناك
إذا كان لدى أي شخص معلومات بخصوص المدعو عبد الرحمن عزيز الهزاع، فإن ابنته انتظرت حياتها كلها للاتصال به.
Hello everyone, this post is for Shamelya who is looking for her father, whom she has never met. His name is Abdul Rahman Aziz Alhazza and he is from Riyadh. He was here in the US in 1977 in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where he met Shamelya’s mother, her name is Irtense Parent, and also in White Bear Lake, MN where he attended school.
If anyone has information in regards to Abdul Rahman Aziz Alhazza, his daughter has waited her whole life to contact him.
We received correspondence from Divine Domingo in regards to her father, Hazza Ayesh Al-Rosan from Riyadh. After numerous attempts over the years to get in contact with her father, he has yet to try to contact her at all or acknowledge her as his daughter. This is her story…
My name is Divine Domingo and like everyone here, I am also an illegitimate child of a Saudian guy. My father is a Shiek in Saudi Arabia and I just learned that he is also an ambassador of good will (Sounds good right?) .
To make my story short, my mother used to work for him as a maid. According to my mother, my father loved her. Fast forward, my mother got pregnant (it’s me). Once my father knew that my mother was pregnant, he asked my mother to go back to the Philippines (where she lives) and promised her that he will come visit her after 3 months. So many months has passed my father never showed up and when I brought out to the world, my mother keeps sending him my photos and update about me but never get a reply. When I was like 12-14 I can’t remember exactly but I started to have the interest to know my father so we started searching for him. We went to a Saudi embassy in the Philippines and what they did is they just took all the evidence my mom had like photos business cards and never responded to us. Few months ago I tried to find any resources that could link me to my father and o found email and phone number. I called the office and I never get to talk to him. Sent him emails but I never get a reply. Soon I realized and it actually sinked into my heart that my father really abandoned me purposely. He intended to leave me and never cared for me. I had a rough childhood and to think how rich my father is up till now, with all his richness and resources, he could live a good life knowing one of his own blood is out there struggling to make it to life. How could he accept the label “ambassador of goodwill” if can’t do a goodwill to your own blood? What kind of a human being is that?
Now I that I accepted that my father will never recognize me nor ever cared for me, I will stop all the drama and I want the world to know that this guy on the photo, is the worst father I have ever known in my life. I am so disgusted by him and I wish that this letter will get to him. I know he have received all my emails but this time I want the world to know what kind of a person you are.
The man in the above picture is listed on my birth certificate as my father. His name is Atef Al-Dinari. He is from Jeddah. The photo was taken when he was here in San Diego as a student in the late seventies, early eighties. My name is Atif, I was named after this man upon birth.
I’m telling my story because I want to give a realistic view of what happens when a Saudi student’s ignorant actions directly affect a child’s life.
My mother first met Atef at a function and from what she says, at first, she wasn’t interested in him at all, but, like many of these stories, he kept pursuing her (a common theme with these Saudi students). She eventually decided to give it a chance.
My mom has told me many things and details over the years about what happened while they were together. Many ridiculous people out there with no sense like to question the validity of the mothers claims about these relationships or to just label them whores, but that is far from the truth. The relationship between my mother and Atef lasted a long time.
The warning signs began when my mom heard through mutual acquaintances that Atef was seeing other women, one woman in particular who my mom found out he repeatedly visited even after he left back to Saudi. My mom eventually discovered she was pregnant and, as you can guess, the situation didn’t end well. He told her he couldn’t be with her and did something next that only a moron would do….
He invited her over one day and said he needed to talk. He played a VHS videotape for her and my mom says she was confused because she didn’t know what she was watching. It looked like a wedding party. Then my mother saw a woman in a dress and Atef told her this was his wife. This had occurred during one of his trips back to Saudi. It was an arranged marriage, of course, with one of his cousins. This shocked my mother because she said that during their relationship he would say things to her like how he could see himself marrying her. He told her this is why he couldn’t be with her and even told her he didn’t want this for himself but his family was pressuring him. He told her he couldn’t have anything more to do with her or the pregnancy and ended the relationship.
His Saudi friends whom my mother had previously been on good terms with, also turned on her and blamed her for everything and there were threats made. They told her to have an abortion. Funny how these “religious” men suddenly turn pro-choice when it has to do with their own selfish motives.
When the time came for questions about who the father was and potential DNA testing, Atef disappeared. My mom heard things about him going back to Saudi and coming back to San Diego secretly to finish his studies.
My mom tells me she initially wanted to give me a different name. She had planned on naming me Gabriel, but the only reason why she decided to name me after this ghost was on the behest of one of Atef’s cousins, my uncle Fahd. Fahd was the only person who sympathized with what my mother was going through and told my mother that Atef’s actions were horrible. He told my mom that she should name me after my father, because that’s how its done, so she did. He even visited my mother and held me as a newborn. (Advice to expectant mothers out there who are in this same situation: Despite what everyone or even your own beliefs tell you..please don’t name your child after these men. You’re doing your child no favors. My name, as beautiful as it is, represents something that is hurtful. I’m named after someone who deserted my mother and essentially left us for dead. If you insist on giving your child an arabic name, pick something else.)
I can tell you that, in no short of words, life has been mostly challenging. Not having a father around for my childhood, adolescence or adulthood was hell. My mom was mistreated by society and even her own family members when I was a kid because she was a single parent, alone, and I grew up watching this. Not having a stable, parental figure to teach me things or be there for me as a safety net was the definition of awfulness.
I had the opportunity, when I first discovered Saudi Children Left Behind about 7 years ago, to make contact with some members of my alleged Saudi family. They had seen the story I posted and, for the first time, there was a part of me that thought I was actually going to finally be able to have the answers I had been seeking my whole life. Relatives I’ve never met who didn’t know about me would finally know I existed!
Things went well, at first, as they usually do. A DNA test was supposed to be done, and everything was moving along smoothly. But, in typical fashion, the warning signs returned. I started getting bad attitude from the family member I was communicating with, like the flip of a switch, he went from being pleasant to a complete jerk. I also started hearing that my dad was saying not so nice things. He claimed he couldn’t remember anything and accused my mom of false character traits. The final straw was when they cut off their cell phones and discontinued all contact with me.
It had been done to my mom, then, now, to me. Lucky for me, we live in the age of the internet. Plus, they didn’t know who they were messing with.
What happened to me is what happens to alot of others, women and children alike. But, let’s be clear. This did not define me. I am an intelligent individual and, as downright crappy as much of life has been, that has no bearing on who I am as a person. This is something not to be forgotten.
I want to take the opportunity to give a special shout out to Jenniffer, my friend and creator of Saudi Children for giving me and so many others a voice and an opportunity to share our stories. Thanks Jen, you rock!
لقصة : الرجل في الصورة أعلاه مدرج في شهادة ميلادي كأبي. اسمه عاطف الديناري. إنه من جدة. تم التقاط الصورة عندما كان هنا في سان دييغو كطالب في أواخر السبعينيات ، أوائل الثمانينيات. اسمي عاطف ، وقد سميت على اسم ابي عند الولادة. أنا أحكي قصتي لأنني أريد أن أقدم نظرة واقعية لما يحدث عندما تؤثر تصرفات الطالب السعودي الجاهل بشكل مباشر على حياة الطفل. قابلت والدتي عاطف لأول مرة في وظيفة ، في البداية ، لم تكن مهتمة به على الإطلاق ، ولكن ، مثل العديد من هذه القصص ، استمر في متابعتها (موضوع مشترك مع هؤلاء الطلاب السعوديين). قررت في نهاية المطاف أن تعطيها فرصة. أخبرتني أمي الكثير من الأشياء والتفاصيل على مر السنين حول ما حدث أثناء وجودهما معًا. كثير من الناس الاغبياء هناك الذين ليس لديهم عقول يرغبون في التشكيك في صحة ادعاءات الأمهات حول هذه العلاقات أو مجرد تصنيفها انها علاقه مع عاهرات ، ولكن هذا بعيد عن الحقيقة. استمرت العلاقة بين أمي وعاطف لفترة طويلة. بدأت علامات التحذير عندما سمعت أمي من خلال بعض المعارف أن عاطف كان يقابل نساء أخريات ، وهي امرأة على وجه الخصوص اكتشفتها أمي أنه زارها مرارًا وتكرارًا حتى بعد أن عاد إلى السعودية. اكتشفت أمي في النهاية أنها حامل ، وكما يمكنك أن تتخيل ، لم ينتهي الوضع بشكل جيد. أخبرها أنه لا يستطيع أن يكون معها وفعل شيئًا بعد ذلك يفعله معتوه فقط … دعاها على مدى يوم واحد وقال إنه بحاجة للتحدث. قام بتشغيل شريط فيديو لها وتقول أمي أنها كانت مشوشة لأنها لم تكن تعرف ما كانت تشاهده. بدا وكأنه حفل زفاف. ثم رأت أمي امرأة ترتدي ثياباً ، وأخبرها عاطف أن هذه هي زوجته. حدث ذلك خلال إحدى رحلاته إلى السعودية. كان زواجًا مرتبًا ، بالطبع ، مع أحد أقاربه. صدم هذا والدتي لأنها قالت أنه خلال علاقتهما كان سيقول لها أشياء مثل كيف يمكن أن يرى نفسه يتزوجها. أخبرها هذا هو السبب في أنه لا يستطيع أن يكون معها وحتى أخبرها أنه لا يريد هذا لنفسه ولكن عائلته كانت تضغط عليه. أخبرها أنه لا يمكن أن يكون لها أي علاقة بها أو بالحمل وأنهى العلاقة. أصدقاؤه السعوديون الذين كانت والدتي تربطهم علاقة جيدة معهم ، انقلبوا عليها أيضًا وألقوا باللوم عليها في كل شيء وكانت هناك تهديدات. قالوا لها أن تجهض. من المضحك أن هؤلاء الرجال “المتدينين” يتحولون فجأة إلى اشخاص لايريدون الخير لاحد عندما يتعلق الأمر بدوافعهم الأنانية. عندما حان وقت الأسئلة حول من هو الأب واختبار الحمض النووي المحتمل ، اختفى عاطف. سمعت أمي أشياء عن عودته إلى السعودية والعودة إلى سان دييغو سراً لإنهاء دراسته. أخبرتني أمي أنها أرادت في البداية إعطائي اسمًا مختلفًا. لقد خططت لتسميتي غابرييل ، ولكن السبب الوحيد الذي جعلها تسميني عاطف كان بناء على طلب من أحد أبناء عمومة عاطف عمي فهد . فهد هو الشخص الوحيد الذي تعاطف مع ما تمر به والدتي وأخبر والدتي أن أفعال عاطف كانت مروعة. قال لأمي أنها يجب أن تسميني باسم والدي ، لأن هذا ما فعلته ، لذلك فعلت. حتى أنه زار والدتي واحتجزني وأنا مولود جديد. (نصيحة للأمهات الحوامل في نفس الوضع: على الرغم مما يقوله الجميع أو حتى معتقداتك الخاصة .. من فضلك لا تذكر اسم طفلك بعد هؤلاء الرجال. أنت لا تقدم لطفلك أي خدمة. اسمي ، مثل جميل ، يمثل شيئًا مؤلمًا. لقد سميت على اسم شخص هجر والدتي وتركنا نعاني إذا كنت تصر على إعطاء طفلك اسمًا عربيًا ، فاختر اسم اخر.) لقد أتيحت لي الفرصة ، عندما اكتشفت أول أطفال سعوديين تركوا وراءهم منذ حوالي 7 سنوات ، للاتصال ببعض أفراد عائلتي السعودية المزعومة. لقد رأوا القصة التي نشرتها ، وللمرة الأولى ، لقد كنت اعتقد اني سأتمكن في النهاية من الحصول على الإجابات التي كنت أبحث عنها طوال حياتي. الأقارب الذين لم ألتق بهم أبدًا والذين لم يعرفوا عني يعرفون أخيراً أنني موجود! سارت الأمور على ما يرام في البداية ، كما تفعل عادة. كان من المفترض إجراء اختبار الحمض النووي ، وكان كل شيء يتحرك بسلاسة. ولكن ، بطريقة نموذجية ، عادت علامات التحذير. بدأت أتلقى سلوكًا سيئًا من أحد أفراد الأسرة الذي كنت أتواصل معه ، حيث تحول من كونه لطيفًا إلى نكد تمامًا. بدأت أسمع أيضًا أن والدي كان يقول أشياء غير لطيفة. ادعى أنه لا يستطيع تذكر أي شيء واتهم أمي بسمات شخصية كاذبة. القشة الأخيرة كانت عندما قطعوا هواتفهم المحمولة وأوقفوا كل اتصال معي. لقد تم ذلك لأمي ، الآن ، بالنسبة لي. محظوظ بالنسبة لي ، نحن نعيش في عصر الإنترنت. بالإضافة إلى ذلك ، لم يعرفوا مع من كانوا يعبثون. ما حدث لي هو ما يحدث للكثير من النساء والأطفال على حد سواء. لكن ، لنكن واضحين. هذا لم يحددني. أنا فرد ذكي ، وبقدر ما هو مرعب تمامًا مثل معظم الحياة ، ليس له أي تأثير على من أنا كشخص. هذا شيء لا يجب نسيانه. أريد أن أغتنم هذه الفرصة لأعطي صرخة خاصة لجنيفر ، صديقي ومبتكر الأطفال السعوديين لمنحي فرصه ولغيرهم من الاشخاص صوتًا وفرصة لمشاركة قصصنا. شكرا جين .